This morning hit me deep.

I was sitting in my mobile office at Martin’s Bakery, prepping for a client session. Coffee nearby, laptop open, head down, doing what I love—helping women heal. And then… I saw her.

She walked up to the donut case and reached for my old favorite.
Caramel-coated long john.
White, fluffy filling.
Exactly what I would’ve picked. Every. Single. Time.

She looked to be about 400 pounds. I only say this to paint the picture because… she was me.

The way she moved, the way she struggled to take every step, the way she tried not to be seen but still reached for what she needed to get through the day. It was like watching a scene from my past. A life I lived over and over again. One that almost broke me. One that almost killed me.

After the donut, she grabbed a sugar-loaded Starbucks drink. Then she searched for a table. I watched as she picked the lonely corner seat. She unwrapped it quickly, ate it even faster, then tossed the evidence before anyone could notice.

But I noticed. Because I was her.
And I know exactly what came next.

That sweet dopamine rush—the “ahhhh” the euphoria that lasts for about 21 minutes.

Then… the shame. The guilt.
The crash that tells you you’re weak.
The voice that says, “Just one more can’t hurt.”
And the cycle begins again.

I wanted to run to her.
I wanted to say,
“Sweet friend… I see you. There’s a way out. I found it.”

But I didn’t.
Because my client was about to walk in. And truth be told, sometimes my tears still sit too close to the surface.

I don’t tell this story to judge her. Not even close.

I tell it because my heart hurts.

It hurts for the women still stuck in that 21-minute cycle.
It hurts for the years I lost.
The moments I hid in shame, sneaking food like it was a secret lover.
The times I said I didn’t care, but my swollen feet and broken heart said otherwise.

If you’re reading this and it feels like I’m telling your story—I am.

Because there’s a better way. There’s hope.
There’s healing that doesn’t come in a wrapper.
There’s freedom that doesn’t leave you crushed an hour later.

I don’t crave the donuts, but I still feel the pain from my past. I felt it this morning.

I don’t crave those donuts anymore. Not because I’m strong, but because I found the tools that finally helped me break the chains.

And you can too.

If you’re tired of chasing dopamine…
If you’re drowning in guilt and still hungry for peace…

I’m sitting at the table.
There’s a seat for you.
You don’t have to walk this road alone.

With love and a heart wide open,
Coach Monica
🖤

If you need to chat, come over to www.kmhealthcoaching.org Message us and let us know how we can help walk with you through your journey. monica@kmhealthcoaching.com